Beauty is out there, waiting to be found.
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Good things and bad things.
The following scene is from series 5's "Vincent and the Doctor." In this episode, Eleven and Amy have an adventure with Vincent Van Gogh in the final months of his life. We see just how much Vincent struggles with depressive episodes as well as feelings of worthlessness and alienation. Amy is particularly moved to help him, somehow, as he is her favorite artist; she hurts to see him so distraught. She and the Doctor manage to give him joy and purpose as they battle a monster together, and finally (SPOILERS) they take him to the future to show him just how beloved a painter he becomes. Vincent is overwhelmed and starts to cry, and they drop him off in 19th century Paris, leaving him encouraged and energized about life. Amy wants to go back to the museum to see if their interaction with him has resulted in new paintings, but when they arrive, she learns Vincent killed himself anyway without painting anything else after they left. She laments that they didn't make a difference at all. The dialogue that follows is simply beautiful:
I love every bit about this clip. I'll break it down line by line.
"Every life is a pile of good things and bad things."
This is so true - experientially and biblically. No one makes it out of this world without tasting the bitterness of sin's effects and the sweetness of the gift of living. No one is promised only good (see my favorite verse, John 16:33), and no one receives only bad (Matthew 7:9-11). Really, it's how the individual chooses to see and act toward each experience, each pile, that determines his outlook on life as a whole. The sum of an individual, ultimately, is how he allows each pile to affect him.
"The good things don't always soften the bad things."
I appreciate this remark, because through it Eleven validates the pain that comes with the bad things. Reading between the lines a bit, the Doctor is saying that bad things are, well, bad. They hurt. They affect you deeply and negatively. They have the capacity to steal your joy. In this line, he normalizes the sting of bad things without condemning the natural emotions that accompany them.
Why am I emphasizing this? Too often, people (Christians especially) have a mindset that you should never give into sadness or grief or even anger when life catapults unripe lemons at your face. As if you don't have a right to be upset when you lose your job, when a loved one dies, or you suffer from disease. As if keeping your chin up and always smiling is the only acceptable, "holy" reaction to life. This mentality frustrates me to no end. Yes, I agree that one shouldn't wallow in self-pity, but God gave us emotions and they are the truest things about us. When you have to bury a child, it is perfectly acceptable to be heartbroken and angry. Why? Because it's a bad thing!
Nowhere in the Bible does it say that followers of God aren't allowed to have negative emotions. In fact, Ecclesiastes says, in chapter 3, that there is an appropriate time to mourn. Telling someone who is suffering that he or she must be happy is both insensitive and wrong. Spiritualizing it doesn't help, either. Romans 12:15 says to "mourn with those who mourn," not to correct the attitude of those who mourn. Empathy, or at least sympathy, goes a long way, and I wish more Christians would exercise it. But I'll get off my counseling philosophy soapbox, now.
"The bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things..."
Preach it, Doctor! When a dump truck unloads on the bad things pile, it is so easy to forget that another pile exists. But the thing about piles is that they're plural; there are two distinct heaps. Bad things go in the bad things pile - they don't ooze over to the good things and dissolve them like acid. At the end of the day, each life will have two piles, and it's not the size that matters. It's the quality.
At this point in the episode, Amy is looking at the bad pile and has her back to the good. But the Doctor, like the great friend he is, gently reminds her that it's there. He says yes, I see the same bad pile as you do, Amelia Pond, and I'm upset about it, too. But it doesn't diminish the good pile. Don't despair too much or you'll miss it.
The key thing the Doctor does is remind her gently. She's in a fragile state, so he embraces her, validates her pain and sweetly but firmly tells her the truth. Fortunately, she is ready to hear it. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. But it doesn't mean we hold back; it merely means we try to understand where the other person is and meet them there with as much grace, love, tenderness, empathy and truth as we can muster.
"...or make them unimportant."
Here, the Doctor reminds us that, while striving to make a positive difference doesn't always end the way we want, the fight itself is never futile or worthless. The fight itself is good. It's hard and definitely painful, but it is good.
At the end of his life, the apostle Paul was writing to his protege and child in the faith, Timothy. Paul was under house arrest, ill and abandoned by all except for the faithful physician, Luke. The life he lived was full of suffering (imagine being beaten, whipped, left for dead and shipwrecked multiple times, all for a "crazy, heretical" belief and then, as a reward at the end of your days, stuck in prison and awaiting sentencing from Rome). In all that, Paul's final words to Timothy are of encouragement and conviction. On the topic of his impending death, Paul writes, "But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. For I am being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved his appearing." (2 Timothy 4:5-8, NASB)
Finishing your days of preaching the gospel in the confines of your own home may seem like a failure, but Paul shows no signs of allowing the bad things to invalidate the good things he's experienced. I see a measure of healthy pride in his self-reflection - not that he's bragging about how faithful he's been, but that he's pleased with the steps he has taken in his life and isn't allowing his current circumstances to counterbalance or spoil that. Paul's fight was long and strenuous and difficult and sad, but in spite of everything that befell him, he looked back on it all and called it good. Would that we do the same in our own lives.
"We definitely added to his pile of good things."
The Doctor brings it home for Amy and claims the victory. She wanted to make a difference in Vincent's life, and Eleven says she did, by adding to his good things pile. I think that's beautiful in its simplicity. Humans are funny in that we have so much and so little power. We can tear down and build up others with words and deeds, but our contributions are so fleeting and limited in comparison with the true, omnipotent power of God. Really, the best we can possibly be is pitiful in comparison with the majesty that God is and what he can do. It's humbling, but it's also uplifting to think that even our small contributions to life on this planet matter. We just need to invest in what counts - loving others and adding to their pile of good things.
Where good things come from
Again, it's funny, but we can't even contribute the smallest bit of good to the pile without getting it from a source outside ourselves. James 1:17-18 says, "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. In the exercise of his will he brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among his creatures."
Since good comes from God and we as "Christ-bearers" (and remember that humans are unique in that we bear the image of God - Gen 1) are to reflect who he is to the world as ambassadors of his character, then we are to add to people's good piles. How? "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength." (Deut. 6:5, quoted in Luke 10) Why? "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45). Basically, the state of your heart affects how you live, so loving God with all you have leads to loving others. That's why, when asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus linked loving God with the Golden Rule. When you honor, respect, obey and submit to God, you find yourself treating others with a similar respect and honor and love. So adding good things to people's piles isn't about taking personal action, but about allowing the love of God to flow through you and into other people's hearts. You, then, are a conduit for love and good things, not the wellspring.
Kinda nice. Less pressure, and we're certain of the quality.
Until next time! May you see the beauty that Vincent saw in the world.
Katya
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